10 Questions to Ask Your Known Sperm Donor

The process of finding a known sperm donor is deeply personal. Each person or couple might decide to focus on different aspects when getting to know the donor. Private sperm donation or using a known donor is based on trust. We recommend that both donors and recipients take the time to get to know each other, ask questions, align expectations, and talk to experts if needed.

Here are 10 essential areas to discuss with your donor, with concrete example questions to help guide the conversation.

1. What’s your motivation for donating?

Why someone wants to donate tells you a lot about whether they’ll be a good fit for you and your future child. Some donors are driven by altruism and the wish to help others build families. Others may be open to limited or ongoing contact with the child. Clarifying this helps you align expectations early and avoid difficult misunderstandings later.

Example questions:

• What made you decide to become a donor?

• Do you see this as a one-time donation, or are you open to donating again if we want siblings?

• How do you feel about possible future contact with the child?

• Do your family and friends know that you are a sperm donor?

2. Do you already have biological children, through donation or personally?

Knowing whether a donor already has biological children can affect your decision. Some parents want their child to grow up with fewer half-siblings, while others welcome larger donor sibling networks. Either way, it’s an important detail to discuss.

Example questions:

• Do you have children of your own?

• Have you donated before, and if so, do you know how many pregnancies resulted?

• How do you feel about your biological children (if any) connecting with each other later in life?

• Have you ever donated to a sperm bank? Note: Sperm bank donors are usually not allowed to donate in other sperm banks and will likely have less knowledge over how many children have been conceived with their sperm.

3. How’s your current health?

Understanding their physical and mental health ensures you can make an informed choice.

Example questions:

• Do you have any ongoing health conditions or chronic illnesses?

• Have you experienced any major health issues in the past five years?

• How would you describe your overall mental health?

4. What’s your family medical history?

A child benefits from knowing their genetic background. Ask about hereditary conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, cancers, or genetic disorders. This not only impacts your decision now but also gives your child valuable information about their background later in life. You can also ask your donor to take a genetic carrier screening test or test for specific carriers, if you are worried about specific conditions.

Example questions:

• Are there any genetic or hereditary conditions in your family?

• Has anyone in your family been diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or other serious illnesses?

• Have you ever had a genetic carrier screening done?

• Would you be open to sharing test results with us?

5. Can you share your origins and cultural background?

For many parents, being able to tell their child about their donor’s ancestry is deeply meaningful. Ask about cultural, ethnic, and geographic origins so your child can grow up with a fuller picture of their identity. Knowing heritage can add meaningful context for a donor-conceived child.

Example questions:

• What is your ethnic and cultural background?

• Do you know much about your ancestry or family traditions?

• Would you be open to sharing information for the child’s understanding of their roots?

6. What’s your lifestyle like?

Lifestyle factors such as smoking, alcohol use, drug use, diet, and exercise habits can affect both sperm quality and overall health. It can also be about values, making sure your donor’s choices align with what you’d want to pass on.

Example questions:

• What is important to you in your daily life? How do you like to spend your time?

• How often (if at all) do you smoke, drink, or use recreational drugs?

• What’s your exercise and diet routine like?

• How important are health and wellness in your daily life?

7. Do you know your sperm quality?

Sperm analyses measure count, motility, and morphology (shape), all important factors for conception. A donor who has had a recent sperm test can help set realistic expectations about your chances of pregnancy. At Y factor, donors can access sperm testing through our partnership with Cryos International.

Example questions:

• Have you ever had a sperm analysis?

• If so, when was the last time, and what were the results?

• Would you be open to doing a sperm quality test before donation?

8. Are you comfortable with ongoing medical and STI testing?

Safe donation requires recent and ongoing health checks. Donors should be willing to share STI test results, and in some cases, redo tests before insemination. If insemination takes place at a clinic, testing is required, but even for home donation, it’s a crucial part of ensuring everyone’s safety.

Example questions:

• When was the last time you had an STI test?

• Would you be willing to take another test before donation?

• Are you open to ongoing health checks if multiple donations take place?

9. Have you considered the legal aspects of private sperm donation?

Asking your donor if they have considered the legal implications of becoming a private donor can help you understand how thoroughly they've thought through this decision. Private sperm donation carries different legal implications than donating through a sperm bank. In many regions worldwide, the donor will legally be considered the child's parent. In some places, the donor becomes the legal parent only if the recipients are unmarried. A few regions, such as California and British Columbia, allow private legal agreements drafted with a lawyer. A clear understanding of rights and responsibilities helps prevent future disputes. We recommend that all parties involved in private sperm donation seek legal advice before proceeding to fully understand the implications in their region.

Example questions:

• Are you open to signing an agreement that outlines expectations for parental rights?

• Would you be willing to speak with a fertility lawyer together to make sure everything is clear?

10. Do you expect any form of compensation?

Different donors have different expectations. Some are motivated purely by the desire to help, while others may expect their costs (like travel or medical tests) to be covered, or even a financial contribution for their time. It’s important to clarify this early on to avoid misunderstandings.

Example questions:

• Do you expect any compensation for your donation?

• Would you like travel or related expenses (like STI or sperm testing) to be covered?

• Are you open to an arrangement where only costs are reimbursed, rather than payment for the donation itself?

Final Thoughts

There’s no single 'right' answer to these questions; it all comes down to what feels right for your family. What matters most is that you and your donor are open, honest, and aligned on values, health, and expectations. In all cases, trust your gut and walk away if something feels off. Your questions are valid, and donors should be open to answering them within reason.

Read our guide on Red Flags to Watch out for When “Dating” for Sperm to learn more.

At Y factor, we encourage these conversations because we believe family building should always start from a place of transparency and respect.