The Difference between Private and Sperm Bank Donations

If you’re exploring the path to parenthood through donor sperm, you may be weighing your options: go through a sperm bank or find a donor privately. While sperm banks offer legal protection and medical oversight, private donation can provide more flexibility, personal connection, and accessibility. Every future parent has individual needs and preferences, and you need to decide what is the right choice for you.

To help you navigate the different sperm donation paths and make an informed decision we have created this breakdown of the pros and cons of private sperm donation, along with some ways to reduce the risks if you decide to go for a private donor.

Why are more women choosing private sperm donors?

A Real Personal Connection

Bank donors are anonymous or ID-release only. You get physical stats, maybe a short profile, but no opportunity to ask questions, get to know the person, or understand their values or personality. Private donation lets you choose who you want to conceive with, not just based on details on a profile. Some future parents appreciate getting to know the donor personally and choosing the kind of relationship they want (or don’t want) post-donation. Whether you want the donation only, to keep in touch post-donation or even co-parent, private donation opens the door to these possibilities, something most banks can't offer.

Openness for Your Future Child

Private donation allows you to tell your child more about their biological origin. In many cases, you can offer them the option of knowing who their donor is, or even meeting him, before they turn 18, if you opt for private donation. This transparency can help prevent identity-related issues down the line, something often discussed in donor-conceived communities.

More Flexibility

Getting sperm donation through the fertility clinic and sperm bank means you have to go through the established process, timeline, and policies. It’s more clinical, often less personal, and for many, it feels like a system you have to fit into. When you opt for private donation, you decide when, where, and how the donation happens; there are no long waitlists or rigid clinic schedules and examinations. Some people prefer to avoid the medicalised process of clinics that often include hormonal treatments involved in IUI or IVF. With private donation, you have the option of home insemination, a more natural and less invasive route to conception.

Sibling Connections

Many bank-conceived children grow up never knowing if they have half-siblings, unless the parents actively track down groups to find these, or they do a DNA test. In private donation, this gets much easier if the donor is open to the option of connecting with other biological children. Families sometimes stay in touch or at least have the option to connect later, a meaningful choice, especially for parents planning to have only one child.

Lower Cost

Going through a sperm bank can be expensive, and that’s before adding on clinic visits and insemination procedures. Costs quickly add up: donor sperm (DKK 3,000-7,000 per vial), shipping, insemination fees, and clinical consultations. In addition, if one cycle doesn’t work, you start over and pay again.

Private donation often costs less, especially if you choose not to get inseminated at a clinic and if the donor is not asking for payment, though you may still choose to offer compensation.

Inclusivity and Accessibility

In the sperm bank system, many people (both future parents and donors) are excluded based on age, BMI, sexuality, number of children, or relationship status. Private donation offers a real alternative for those who don’t qualify at clinics and banks, and can be a lifeline for future parents who don’t meet fertility clinic requirements, due to age, relationship status, sexual orientation, or other reasons. It gives everyone a chance to build a family on their own terms.

Things to be aware of and precautions to take

You are responsible for medical screening

Unlike donors in a sperm bank, private donors aren’t automatically screened for STIs, hereditary diseases, or sperm quality. This means that the responsibility of sharing and checking medical documents lies with both donors and future parents themselves. Please check our Safety Tips for instructions on how to stay safe during private sperm donation.

What you can do:

• It is always a good idea to ask for recent STI test results, similar to when you plan to have unprotected sex. Even through insemination, you can pick up diseases from the sperm.

• Ask the donor about their medical history, and if they know of any diseases in their family. A lot of the family’s medical history in the banks is self-reported as well, so ask the donor for transparency, and feel if any information makes a difference to you.

• If you are already aware that you are a carrier of certain genetic diseases, you can ask to get a genetic carrier matching done with the potential donor, to ensure that you are a good match.

• If you are concerned about the donor's sperm quality, you can choose donors who either already have their own children or have successfully donated before. You can also request that the donor gets a sperm analysis done. This can be done at home with services like ExSeed or at sperm banks like Cryos International.

Parental Rights

In many countries and states, private donors may have legal parental rights or responsibilities, despite a signed agreement to the contrary. This can create uncertainty down the line for both the future parent and the donor.

What you can do:

• Build up a good level of trust between yourself and the donor before agreeing to the donation.

• If you choose a donor who either has his own children already or has donated successfully a few times before, there is a lower risk that he will seek custody.

• Get a good understanding of your local laws on legal parents - a family lawyer will be able to tell you more about historic court rulings in the area.

• Sign a clear pre-donation agreement outlining rights, responsibilities, and intentions. Consider consulting a family lawyer, especially in your country of residence.

Safety Concerns

Meeting a donor in person without structure can feel daunting, and sadly, not everyone has good intentions.

What you can do:

• Start by chatting through a platform like Y factor where users can share preferences up front, so the donor knows what you are looking for (and not interested in).

• Ask the donor to verify their identity if the platform has the feature, so you know that it is a real person. The platform will know the real identity of verified users, and it makes it easier to react in case anything goes wrong.

• Meet in public the first time, bring a friend, and trust your instincts.

• Consider doing the donation exchange in a hotel/similar, if you don’t feel comfortable inviting a stranger home or going to their home.

Emotional and Relationship Complexity

Some donors may want more or less involvement than you do. Without clear communication, this can lead to mismatched expectations.

What you can do:

• Set clear boundaries from the get-go, about your expectations and preferences.

• Discuss and document your preferred level of contact before, during, and after donation — whether it’s complete anonymity or regular updates.

• Don’t take steps to cross any of your agreed boundaries, as this will cause confusion on a sensitive matter such as sperm donation.

Comparing Private and Sperm Bank Donations

While sperm banks offer more legal protection and medicalised processes, they’re not the perfect solution for everyone. Private sperm donation creates room for more flexible arrangements, as long as both the future parent(s) and donor are aligned around their wishes.

So, should you go private?

Private sperm donation can be a beautiful, empowering route to parenthood, especially if you’re looking for more choice, lower cost, or would like a known donor. But it requires a bit more planning, communication, and caution than using a sperm bank. You need to decide what is the right option for you.

The key is to go in informed and supported. Platforms like Y factor are working to make private donations safer, easier, and more transparent, helping future families and donors connect based on shared values and expectations.

Still unsure?

We recommend talking to others who’ve done it, joining peer communities, and reading up on local laws. We invite you to join our community group (click here) on Facebook to talk to others in a similar situation.